Thursday, April 16, 2009

Horrible Coincidence

Yesterday I posted that I had unfortunately never dreamed of my angel Caden.
What do they say?
Be careful what you wish for?

For the first time (that I can remember anyway) I dreamt of my baby. It was a very strange (and disturbing) dream. The weather was bad - cold and snowy. I had to get to this car dealership for some reason. My parents were there waiting for me. There were many other random people wandering the parking lot. I left them outside in the cold and said I would be back. I went in and it appeared to change into an old high school. I walked past the 30-something aged cheer leading squad, in these mega sparkly, mega tight uniforms. They were all beautiful. I walked into the next room - dingy and only had a couple regular girls in it waiting to practice for some secondary dance squad or something. It seems like I was supposed to be a part of that group. Then I just wandered into the next room. In that room was a mess of stuff stacked high, dust and cobwebs. Things strewn about and honestly I don't know if I even want to saw what I saw next in my dream. It is worse thinking about it now than when I saw it in my dream (nightmare). I can't even type it, but it was my baby I saw. Part of him - his face was clear and perfect looking on one side. The other, not so much. I took it well in my dream. Like it was expected, but when I woke and as I think back to it now, it was gruesome. It leaves an empty feeling in my stomach. This was the only appearance Caden made in that weird dream, but it makes me wonder what it all means. I went back to get my parents and my husband showed up at that point. I told them what I saw and I was ok.
I don't understand it at all - it is weird that I say how I never dreamt of my angel yesterday and then this happens. This shows me that time does not heal. Eventually you move along with life and function, but you are never fully healed. The hurt and worry is always there.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you had a nightmare. I don't think it is a coincidence that you posted about never dreaming of Caden and then you have a dream. It's just too bad it was a nightmare (I hope it didn't make you worry about him). :(
    I also don't dream of my daughter - I have never seen her face or seen her alive in my dreams. I have dreams about being sad, but not about her. It would be so nice to feel connected that way, but I guess we have to find other ways (like dragonflies :).